It's true. I should be President of the World because I don't want to be the President. But with all this U.S. Presidential poop getting tossed all over the world like so much manure, one has to wonder... can anything grow with such rich manure?

A few signs of sentience have appeared on this planet-which-the-monkeys-claimed. First of all, people are beginning to realize 'voice' doesn't have to be figurative. But the problem that has plagued monkeys now plagues man - politics. Politics is about dominance hierarchies.

Democracy, however, is supposed to allow the voting citizenry to be the dominant hierarchy. The meek shall inherit the Earth sort of stuff (through sheer numbers). Until the advent of this thing called the internet (you're hitchhiking on the internet, don't you know), things weren't as easy as that. Adiemus [We Draw Near].

We hear a lot about weblogs, and how they change things. We hear a lot about how media affects the technologies. But how often does a citizen who earns his keep through comedy get a chance to take on CNN's CROSSFIRE?

And then I catch this today - You keep writing them - we'll keep printing them, which is a masterful editorial on the idiocy of politics paying lip service to democracy. And I breath a sigh.

Maybe the dolphins won't leave.

So here's the thing. I can be President of the World. I thrive on discussion, once it is sensible. But show me sensible discussion in the media, in the campaigns of these 2 politicians who want to be President of the one country in the world which has lost credibility in popularity polls around the world? Who wants that job anyway?

So if I were to become President of that country, the first thing I would say is, "We, the American People, are sorry. We will work to fix these problems, and we need your help."

You know what? Jon Stewart could do that. And I think he would mean it.

So let's not discuss hunchback GW, lesbian children and dildos of America. Let's not talk about how dumb either one is, because frankly - you have to be dumb to want the job. I don't want the job.

And that's why I should be President.

Vote for Wonko, and have tax incentives for your towels.
Vote for Wonko, keep the dolphins.
Vote for Wonko, he's sane.

But in a year when people say 'anyone but Bush', it's apparent that we monkeys are still floundering with democracy.

The system is broken. Politicians won't fix it. We'll have to. So I'm electing everyone President.

Now get to work.

Yeha Noha